Ideas & Resources
Only you can know the sorrow of losing a baby, or finding out that your child is suffering from a life changing medical condition. The courage you find each morning to get out of bed and begin again is amazing. You may not know it, but you are inspiring others each day. Now the important piece is to inspire and reaffirm yourself. Find things you can cling to that will help you grow in strength and face the days when your courage and faith are sagging. I hope these ideas help.
For Perinatal Loss
We were very intentional about naming our first son so that we could incorporate his memory into our lives in very subtle but meaningful ways. Since we knew that Teddy wouldn’t live very long after birth we chose his name to be something that could easily serve as a symbol for our other children.. We continued to have a small soft “teddy” for each of our children that would provide comfort and soothing love for them and ‘watch over them’.
Capturing Memories
We had also designed Teddy’s nursery to have Pooh Bear in it. So now we always have one room that serves as a gentle reminder for all of us that Teddy’s memory is always there. He is an important part of our family. This past year would have been the year Teddy would have graduated from high school and we chose to take our family Christmas picture with a Pooh Bear. We talked about it with our two children telling them that our love for them will never die. For as long as we are here on earth all of our children will live in our hearts and memories. Most of our current friends didn’t know us back when Teddy was alive and probably didn’t even wonder why we had a Pooh Bear in our picture, but for family and friends who did, they commented on what a lovely reminder that he was still in our thoughts 18 years later.
Angel's Wings
Many parents who lose an infant cling to the symbol of an angel or an angel’s wings. Since you now have a very special angel up in heaven watching over you. I have seen beautiful pieces of jewelry that are tiny wings engraved to say: ‘I am the mother of an angel.’
Placing a picture of your baby or of their ultrasound image in a locket and wearing it close to your heart can be a way to keep their memory close to your heart.
My husband’s family had a tradition that their oldest son would get their mother’s engagement ring when it was time for him to ask his girl to marry him. So when Teddy was born, we chose to bury him with my engagement ring as a bracelet on his tiny arm..We wanted him to forever have a symbol of the love that created him.
Some people choose to have the hand or footprints of their precious little one tattooed onto their body so they forever keep an outward sign of their loss.
Unexpected Outcomes
Outward symbols of your courage and victories are so important when you are daily grieving the loss of your dreams of innocence and writing a new story of hope for your little one.
The most important “Symbol of Courage” for families with Unexpected Outcomes is intentionally marking and measuring triumphs as they come. They can be brief and hard won, so it is SO much more important to really acknowledge and celebrate those victories. Here are some ideas:
We were told that because Jonah’s vocal cords didn’t touch he would never speak. After 3 years of working with him on sign language, he Spoke! A big strong NO! So on his 5th birthday we sent out this photo to celebrate his amazing accomplishment.
Jonah took his first steps, in a gait trainer, when he was 9 years old. We chose to honor this milestone by taking a footprint of his foot on the day and framing it with a photo of him in his gait trainer. We put both in a shadow box with the shoe he was wearing on the day. It was wonderful to see all of his friends point it out in his room when they visited.
Joe had a massive surgery when he was 15 years old, which required him to be in the hospital for a long time. As we prepared to get ready for discharge we asked what he wanted to do to mark the occasion. He was so excited to come home it felt like a parade. So with just a few phone calls to his friends, who had been asking to do something, anything to let him know that they were fighting for him. Jonah came home from the hospital to a full parade complete with a band! In just a few hours, his friends got some of the kids from the high school band, family and friends to line the road as he came home.
Special places that focus on special talents… pediatric hospitals, special needs hospitals, Dances, summer camps, riding facilities, pools, softball, miracle field, parks with free electric wheelchairs to check out, beaches with accessible wheelchairs to check out.
Marking milestones with their friends is so important. When our son graduated from high school we had a special senior picture with support circle…
Jonah keeps in contact with a very close friend who he has known since second grade. We make a point to buy a postcard from each place that we visit then we write small notes with funny questions. She then sends us back her responses. This Pen Pal relationship has been a huge source of joy for Jonah!
As friends age and celebrate graduations and weddings we made sure to add accomplishments to our son’s life as well. He loved to travel, so we promised to do an adventure a month. These fun road trips gave him something to look forward to and talk about.
We found goals we could share as a family. My husband and son decided to visit all of the MLB parks. This added to our road trip and gave us an exciting goal!
Celebrate Sibling Successes!
Siblings of children with special needs are often overlooked, riddled with guilt and overcome with a sense of loss. Making sure to spend time focused on their interests is vital.
Dedicated Time
Making sure they have special dedicated time and experiences that fit their particular needs. It is so important to capitalize on their gifts: a sport, travel, love of animals, a special pet, a unique talent.
Special
Gifts
Our daughter had a great love of animals especially horses..so when she was young, we sold our house in the city and moved to a small farm where she could embrace her passion!
