For many people sharing their feelings is not an easy task on the best of days, but when those feelings are overwhelming, new or very painful it can be challenging to even know where to begin. Music can be an amazing tool for many people to help them begin to open up and identify their feelings while beginning the process of expressing their thoughts to others. My husband is one of those people. He has always found that when he intentionally listens to music that helps him to flesh out his thoughts it can be very cathartic. Over the years and through many challenges and joys we have used this tool and it has been a family mission to find and identify the music that speaks to our heart and then talk about why the words draw out a feeling that resonates with us. It is amazing how much easier it can be to start with a song, listen deeply to the words and then listen as someone shares their heart. What do the words make them think about? How do they feel when they hear that music? For our family music can be very powerful. We have identified a specific song for each of the mountains and valleys in our lives. We didn’t set out in the beginning intentionally to pick songs..it began in the opposite direction. We would be struggling with opening up, or identifying what we were feeling and then one day in the car, or while one of us was alone listening to music we would hear a song that would open up the flood gates and we would use that moment to begin a conversation that soon showed us that this can begin the healing process. This tradition is very similar to picking your first dance song at your wedding. What piece of music epitomized your relationship or the feelings you have for the other? By using this same concept for other events in your life you create a sound track for your story. Throughout the written history in this website I have included stanzas or quotes that illustrate what draws us to a particular piece of music to illustrate a time in our life. We have even gone so far as to share this story with the artist and have had some fairly life changing experiences because of it.
Since everyone has very unique tastes..I am fairly certain that our picks won’t be your picks..but give it a try. Especially if one or both of you are struggling with opening up. There are still a couple songs that I can’t listen to without sobbing, even all of these years later, however I remember times when listening to then and crying was exactly what I needed at the time.
Here are the songs that speak to our hearts and the times that they symbolize for us. There are many more, I have only listed the ones that we have picked out for their pregnancies and immediately after birth. I can’t thank the artists enough for the gift they have given to us by creating each piece of music and inadvertently helping us along our path.
- Blessed, by Sir Elton John
- This is one of the most beautiful tributes to a child. We clung to this song during our pregnancy and played it at Teddy’s funeral. All 75 people sobbed uncontrollably. It is truly worth a listen.
- The Endless Summer, by Van Morrison
- Unfortunately this is another sad one..I can’t listen without crying. I remember holding each other and dancing to this for the 3 magical months during the summer of 1996 when Teddy was alive inside of me and we knew every moment was a fleeting miracle.
- Wonder, by Natalie Merchant
- This song is so specific to my pregnancy with Madison it is hard for me to believe that it wasn’t written for those nine months.
- Things We’ve Handed Down, By Marc Cohn
- This is such an amazing song for a child. We were lucky enough to meet Mr. Cohn and share with him how this song helped us heal as we waited for Madison and knew her brother was watching over her from heaven.
- Madison has many more songs for each stage of her life. If you asked each of our children they
- You’ll Be In My Heart, by Phil Collins
- For the first 3 years, much of what we all remember about poor Jonah was the screaming. 10-12 hours per day..and how small but how strong and determined he was. This song was a mantra for us in those darks days.
- I See Hope in the Morning Light, by Midge Ure
- For all of you exceptional parents out there try this song out. It is obscure, I don’t even remember how we uncovered it, but it is an anthem for us.. Moving into the light. Seeking Hope. Every time I hear it I want feel like I could burst with pride at what Jonah has faced and triumphed over.
- Little Wonders, by Rob Thomas
- This song helped us to begin to acknowledge the change in our beautiful son. The first line says it all for me.. “The hardest part is over”